Well, they finally did it. The pervasive homosexual conspiracy has finally driven a stake through the heart of all that holds western civilization together. Gays have gotten married. Legally. In California. As was widely predicted by folks like the Family Research Council, John Hagee, and the 700 Club, the underpinnings of our culture have been visciously attacked, undermined by sinful hedonists.

This morning I sat on my front porch, shotgun at my side, cradling my terrified son in my arms as Californians everywhere lost all sense of public decency, respect for law and order, and even the value of human life. Roving gangs of disillusioned youths set fire to houses, bad-mouthed their parents, spoke openly of having any random number of daddies or mommies (but seldom both), and are having wanton butt-sex on the streets. Oh, the horror. To think that all of this came from an irrational desire by committed same-sex couples to have visitation rights at hospitals, inheritance rights, health care, and tax protection equal to their God-fearing, honest, righteous, serial-divorcing, wife-beating, child-neglecting heterosexual neighbors. So selfish.

Where were you when we needed you most, Westboro Baptist Church? Off protesting a dead soldier when there was real work to be done?

I leave you with a prediction from H.P. Lovecraft regarding this terrible turn of political events:

The time would be easy to know, for then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and reveling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.

Oh wait, that was the return of the Mighty Cthulhu. Never mind.