I didn’t let Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sit on the shelves very long before I picked it up, and I’ve been joyfully soaking in Los Santos and its surroundings for days now. As will previous incarnations, this title starts briefly in Liberty City, but quickly cuts over to the Compton-inspired streets of Los Santos, where CJ learns that his old street gang is on the decline, and his reputation in the ‘hood is ruined.

The most important thing in GTA:SA is to be down. Sometimes you need to keep it real, but mostly you need to be down. A state of downness can only be achieved when properly strapped. One can be down in a stolen minivan, BMX bicycle, or tricked-out pimpmobile with slammin’ rims, but you must be strapped to be properly down. If you are insufficiently down, you cannot call upon your homies to roll with you for a drive-by. If you think you’re down, but you aren’t strapped, you’ll find yourself wasted or busted, and quickly realize that you weren’t really down to start with. Talk to Emmet if you find yourself not-strapped, keep it real, and you’ll be down again in no time.

Additionally, it’s important to remember to eat in GTA:SA. Don’t eat too much, or you’ll get fat. Not phat, just fat. You’ll still be down, and you can still keep it real, but you don’t want to be fat, do you? Spend some quality time at the gym so you can be strapped, down, ripped, and keep it real. Make sure you’re showing the Grove Street colors at all times, so everybody else can properly assess how down you are.

Don’t hesitate to use a bicycle if you need to get somewhere tricky; when properly motivated, CJ can scale extraordinarily-steep slopes on a bike, and is less likely to get himself killed by hitting a telephone pole than on a motorcycle. Riding around town on a bike can help keep up your stamina (handy for chasing down punk-ass ballas) and prevent you from becoming fat. The only real downside of the bicycles is that you can’t get three Grove Street homies to shoot random passers-by from the stunt-pegs on a BMX.