Well, they finally did it. The pervasive homosexual conspiracy has finally driven a stake through the heart of all that holds western civilization together. Gays have gotten married. Legally. In California. As was widely predicted by folks like the Family Research Council, John Hagee, and the 700 Club, the underpinnings of our culture have been visciously attacked, undermined by sinful hedonists.

This morning I sat on my front porch, shotgun at my side, cradling my terrified son in my arms as Californians everywhere lost all sense of public decency, respect for law and order, and even the value of human life. Roving gangs of disillusioned youths set fire to houses, bad-mouthed their parents, spoke openly of having any random number of daddies or mommies (but seldom both), and are having wanton butt-sex on the streets. Oh, the horror. To think that all of this came from an irrational desire by committed same-sex couples to have visitation rights at hospitals, inheritance rights, health care, and tax protection equal to their God-fearing, honest, righteous, serial-divorcing, wife-beating, child-neglecting heterosexual neighbors. So selfish.

Where were you when we needed you most, Westboro Baptist Church? Off protesting a dead soldier when there was real work to be done?

I leave you with a prediction from H.P. Lovecraft regarding this terrible turn of political events:

The time would be easy to know, for then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and reveling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.

Oh wait, that was the return of the Mighty Cthulhu. Never mind.

Gotta hand it to Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio. The man’s got no quit in him. Yesterday he spent over four hours on the floor of the US House of Representatives calling for the impeachment and removal from office of George W. Bush.

ARTICLES OF IMPEACHMENT FOR PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH

Resolved, that President George W. Bush be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors, and that the
following articles of impeachment be exhibited to the United States Senate:

Articles of impeachment exhibited by the House of Representatives of the United States of America in
the name of itself and of the people of the United States of America, in maintenance and support of its
impeachment against President George W. Bush for high crimes and misdemeanors.

In his conduct while President of the United States, George W. Bush, in violation of his constitutional oath to faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and, to the best of his ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States, and in violation of his constitutional duty to take care that the laws be faithfully executed, has committed the following abuses of power.

Summary of all 35 counts follows (link to PDF of full resolution with details)
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In this video, posted by the John McCain 2008 campaign account on Youtube, campaign manager Rick Davis lays out the roadmap to a McCain presidency, using currently-available polling data to crunch the numbers on the electoral prospects. This is the same Rick Davis that will be serving as the poster-child for how the McCain campaign is largely run by lobbyists, something that may not reflect well upon the candidate come November, but that’s beside the point.

Some of the numbers are cooked (for example they site the burn rate on the Obama and McCain campaigns for April of 2008, when McCain was essentially unopposed and Obama was still working on beating Clinton), but the electoral map is quite interesting. The list of expected battleground states has expanded from Ohio, Florida, and Missouri back in 2000 and 2008 to include a number of areas we used to think of as fairly safe bets. Now, I’m not actually expecting Michigan to go for McCain, or for Obama to win Arkansas, but we can reasonably expect to see both of these candidates working hard to make a showing in places that haven’t seen a presidential candidate outside of the primary season in fifty years.

Rick Davis’s take on things aside (it’s his job to paint a rosy picture; note that he didn’t put Georgia in play), it’s currently Obama’s race to lose. McCain’s hitching his wagon to an unpopular horse on too many issues, whether people identify themselves as moderate or not.