Burrowowl

Let’s take a look at a few key indicators of how dangerous the Islamic Republic of Iran is compared to more responsible, civilized, and democratic states in the world. We’ll take this back to 1979, as nobody seriously thinks the current Iranian regime bears any responsibility for anything the Shah did.

I didn’t count United Nations peacekeeping missions as wars for this table. Iran’s invasion of Iraq gets an asterisk for what should be a fairly obvious reason: it was part of a war that started with Iran getting invaded, not the other way around. Compared to many of the more globally-influential powers in the world, Iran has pretty much kept it in their pants for the past thirty years.

With a case before the United States Supreme Court regarding the rights of corporations as persons (Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission), and with a lot of hyperbole coming from instant experts on the subject, I figured it would be nice to brainstorm some repercussions. Not likely repercussions, but conceivable repercussions for the Supreme Court finding that the 14th amendment applies to entities like Exxon, Starbucks, or Google.

I’ll warm up with some things I’ve heard folks like Thom Hartmann and Randi Rhodes put forward:

• With equal protection under the law and money being a form of speech (Buckley v. Valeo), companies will be able to buy political candidates on an unprecedented scale through massive media purchases and such, tipping the scales on the election process.
• Under the second amendment to the constitution, corporations would have the right to bear arms. Corporate armies come immediately to mind, and certain self-defense principles start getting a little scary.
• In some jurisdictions corporations could run for elected office. Mayor General Electric?

Depending on where you are in you daily medicinal regimen, the above theories can sound pretty reasonable, scary, or ridiculous. Let’s carry on with some more ramifications:

• Under the 13th amendment, people cannot be held as property, as slaves. This would make it illegal to be a shareholder in a corporation or compel it to any particular action. This would also prevent one corporation from purchasing or selling another.
• Corporations are generally thought, as legal constructs, to be indistinguishable from their owners (particularly if a single natural person bears a majority of shares). In regards to elections, this means that any corporation at least partly owned by foreign persons (natural or otherwise) would be subject to regulations regarding foreign interests interfering in our political processes. No more contributions or political ads from any transnational or widely-traded corporation.
• Corporations would be subject to personal income tax (many at the top bracket)
• Corporations could be compelled to purchase health insurance under some variants of the current health care reform bills.
• Corporations could be jailed or even put to death for various criminal acts. I’m not sure how one would administer a lethal injection to a legal entity, but that’s Texas to figure out.
• In some states, where marriage is defined as a civil union between two consenting persons, perhaps companies could get married. Could this lead to issues with anti-poligamy laws in the case of conglomerates?
• Corporate board members that run their companies into the ground could be brought up on homicide charges.

I’m certain there are more.

It falls on me, as part of my job, to field DMCA complaints from time to time on behalf of customers that may or may not have been using their connections to download and share pirated software, videos, and such. While I totally understand that intellectual property is Serious Business, but when you’re hiring a firm to protect your rights to Young Tight Latinas 12, wouldn’t they look more credible if they weren’t based in a town named Cream Ridge?

Infringement Source: eDonkey
Infringement Timestamp: 2009-06-09 03:50:00 PST
Infringers IP Address: XXX.XXX.XXX.XXX
Infringers Port: 33241
Infringement Title: Young Tight Latinas 12
Infringement Filename: Young.Tight.Latinas.12.CD2.[XXX].[Latinas].[Sexoypelis.COM].avi
Infringement Hash: 3E554F0E5EB855AD9C6FF1A344220A77

You were informed in the notice that your infringing activity violated the U.S.
Copyright Act, 17 U.S.C. 106, and that, as a result of the infringement, you may be
held liable for monetary damages, attorney's fees and court costs incurred as a result
of any action that is commenced against you. You also were offered the opportunity
to settle the matter but, as of the original transmission date of this correspondence,
you have failed to do so.

Therefore, this correspondence shall serve as our second and final notice to you in
regards to your infringement of the copyright referenced above, and shall incorporate
all the information contained in our original notice to you.

You have ten (10) calendar days from the date of this correspondence to access the
settlement offer listed below and settle online. If you fail to respond or settle within
the prescribed time period, we will refer this matter to our attorneys for legal action.
At that point the original settlement will no longer be an option and the amount will
increase as a result of us having to involve our attorneys.

Nothing contained or omitted from this correspondence is, or shall be deemed to be
either a full statement of the facts or applicable law, an admission of any fact, or
waiver or limitation of any of the RLD DISTRIBUTION LLC's rights or remedies, all of
which are specifically retained and reserved.

The information in this notice is accurate. We have a good faith belief that use of the
material in the manner complained of herein is not authorized by the copyright owner,
its agent, or by operation of law. We swear under penalty of perjury, that we are
authorized to act on behalf of RLD DISTRIBUTION LLC.

To access your settlement offer please copy and paste the address below into a
browser and follow the instructions:

https://www.videoprotectionalliance.com/?n_id=AB-XXXXXX

Password: XXXXXX

Regards,

Bonnie Gadsby
Copyright Enforcement Agent

Video Protection Alliance Services, LLC
PO Box 322
Cream Ridge, NJ 08514-0322
United States
+1-866-251-2631

Then again, maybe folks in New Jersey just have a healthier sense of humor than I do.