Category Archives: DnD

Extraordinary Competence

impossible is nothing

From time to time a truly remarkable phrase is uttered at a D&D game. There are many variations of it, but it all boils down to “That’s not realistic!” This is ridiculous, of course. You’re playing a game with wizards and elves and dragons and such; you went through the looking glass when you picked up your dice. I ran into the following list online that demonstrates within the 3rd edition rules why anything happening past 9th level has no business even being compared to reality:

  • 9th level Bard. He has 12 ranks of Perform, started with 16 Cha and increased it twice to 18 (+4). He also has a masterwork instrument (+2) and a Circlet of Persuasion (+3). His Perform modifier is now 12+4+2+3=+21. This means that, by taking ten, he nails a 31 every time. According to the PHB, this means that by playing on street corners, he will eventually attract the attention of extraplanar beings. Gimble will be sitting around drinking and playing his lute when a genie bamfs in and asks the gnome to perform at his kid’s Bar Mitzvah.
  • 9th level Rogue. He has 12 ranks of Balance, started with 16 Dex and boosted it twice to 18 (+4). He gets a +2 synergy bonus from Tumble ranks, for a total modifier of 12+4+2=+18. Taking 10, he will, every time, be able to move at full speed across a one inch wide marble-covered beam. (18+10-5=23 for the check, 20+2(scree) =22 for the DC.)
  • 9th level Barbarian. 12 ranks of Climb, now has 18 (+4) Strength, for a final modifier of 12+4=+16. Taking 10, he gets a 26. He can now climb most mountains while raining, moving 40 feet every 6 seconds. (Check is 26-5=21 for accelerated climbing, DC is 15+5=20 for climbing a rough natural rock surface that’s slippery.)
  • 9th level Swashbuckler. 12 ranks of Jump, 12 (+1) Strength, +2 synergy from Tumble. His modifier is 12+1+2=+15. Taking 10 gets him a 25. The female world record for the long jump is (7.52 meters)*(3.28 feet/meter) = 24.7 feet. This character beats that every time he wants to. The men’s record is 8.95*3.28= 29.3 feet, which his character could swing pretty easily if he so desired. When the character rolls instead of taking 10, he can hit as much as 35 feet, blowing past the world record by two yards.
  • 9th level Beguiler. 12 ranks in Disguise, 14 (+2) Charisma, with a disguise kit (+2). Total modifier is +16, taking 10 gets him a 26. He can disguise himself as a woman’s human husband (+10 for intimate familiarity) as long as she has a Spot modifier of 6 or less.
  • 9th level Monk. 12 ranks in sense motive, 16 (+3) Wisdom. Final modifier is 12+3=+15. Taking 10, he can instantly tell whether a person is under the effects of Charm Person or not, every time. (DC 25) And that isn’t “I’ve a sneaking suspicion that something is wrong here” so much as it’s “Hi, my name is Benedict Thelonious. Also, you’re charmed.”
  • 9th level Bard again. 12 “ranks” in Speak Language nets him 12 languages, because Bards are awesome like that. There are only 20 of the things listed in the PHB, one of them is Druidic, and he starts with a few because of race and intelligence. He learns this from hanging out in bars, and in addition to everything else he can do. I don’t think there are many people in the world that can boast that kind of repertoire, and finding one in his mid-20s that’s also a competent in battle, magic (which we can approximate to some degree with science or technology), and whatever this guy is burning his other 5+Int skill points on is fairly definitely impossible.
  • 9th level Ranger goes tracking. 12 ranks in Survival, 14 (+2) Wisdom, +4 from Search and Know: Nature synergy, and +2 from some manner of tracking kit. Modifier is 12+2+4+2= +20, which means he takes 10 to get a 30. To match this, the DC is going to look like this: 4+5+1+20. That comes from tracking a single Toad (+4 DC for being Diminutive) that is covering his tracks (+5) after an hour of rainfall (+1) over bare rock (20).

Hat tip to Zilvar for pointing it out, and of course the original source by Merlin the Tuna

4e DMG

Basic dungeon map key

Maybe I’m just a sucker, but there’s nothing quite like reading through a fresh Dungeon Master’s Guide to make a fella want to bust out some note paper and start cranking away at a new campaign. The Player’s Handbook and Monster Manual are generally the most useful of the core rulebooks. They have been since AD&D. They’re where you find that particulars of character creation and advancement, the particulars for any skills or spells that may come into play, the hard numbers and color text for the various and sundry bad-guys. The DMG is mostly used to for a couple of rules that players rarely have cause to worry about, and used to be the repository of magic items (no more in 4e; those are in the PHB now). Once you’re in Dungeon Master mode, the DMG isn’t something you have to lean on much.

But getting into Dungeon Master mode is precisely what it is there for. It is chock-full of advice regarding the adjudication of rules, working with players and player characters, devising adventures and settings and non-player characters, all the things that anybody that has played a roleplaying game pretty much already knows. No shocking new revelations here. So what it is that I find so interesting about reading a two-page treatise on building a basic beginning, middle, and end for a D&D adventure? I already know how to do it. I’ve done it dozens of times, with some modest degree of success. It isn’t hard to set a plot hook: the players know when they’re being pointed towards the plotline. It isn’t hard to plot out a map for some musty old tomb and dig up some critters from the Monster Manual for the players’ characters to slaughter.

The real value of actually reading through the Dungeon Master’s Guide is not in its utility as a reference book. That isn’t its core purpose. The DMG is there to affirm and reinforce your existing good habits, point out your bad ones, and remind you of how you should be handling things that aren’t quite right at the gaming table. Did you forget to throw in a couple of gimme encounters during the last campaign? Fights that the players would just breeze through to make them look extra heroic and cool? Were you a little more miserly than you probably should have been, doling out few rewards for too much effort? God knows I was. I’ll have to work on that next time around.

Recently I’ve been in player mode, showing up for game night with character-sheet in hand, ready to follow the plot where it leads me, lend a hand to the other players, and instigate a little trouble here and there. Reading through the DMG has me wanting to put on the DM hat again, though. Gotta find my graph paper…

The true measure of an RPG

Know, o prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars – Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyberborea, Zamora with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered on the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandaled feet.

So I’ve been thinking about brewing up a 4th edition Fighter that takes a dip into either Ranger or Rogue for multiclassing purposes. But then I thought maybe the character concept is more of a Rogue that has dabbled heavily in Fighter instead, working with a number of Heavy Blade exploits. Hmm. How well does 4th Edition Dungeons & Dragons allow for an approximation of Robert E. Howard’s classic hero?