From time to time a truly remarkable phrase is uttered at a D&D game. There are many variations of it, but it all boils down to “That’s not realistic!” This is ridiculous, of course. You’re playing a game with wizards and elves and dragons and such; you went through the looking glass when you picked up your dice. I ran into the following list online that demonstrates within the 3rd edition rules why anything happening past 9th level has no business even being compared to reality:
- 9th level Bard. He has 12 ranks of Perform, started with 16 Cha and increased it twice to 18 (+4). He also has a masterwork instrument (+2) and a Circlet of Persuasion (+3). His Perform modifier is now 12+4+2+3=+21. This means that, by taking ten, he nails a 31 every time. According to the PHB, this means that by playing on street corners, he will eventually attract the attention of extraplanar beings. Gimble will be sitting around drinking and playing his lute when a genie bamfs in and asks the gnome to perform at his kid’s Bar Mitzvah.
- 9th level Rogue. He has 12 ranks of Balance, started with 16 Dex and boosted it twice to 18 (+4). He gets a +2 synergy bonus from Tumble ranks, for a total modifier of 12+4+2=+18. Taking 10, he will, every time, be able to move at full speed across a one inch wide marble-covered beam. (18+10-5=23 for the check, 20+2(scree) =22 for the DC.)
- 9th level Barbarian. 12 ranks of Climb, now has 18 (+4) Strength, for a final modifier of 12+4=+16. Taking 10, he gets a 26. He can now climb most mountains while raining, moving 40 feet every 6 seconds. (Check is 26-5=21 for accelerated climbing, DC is 15+5=20 for climbing a rough natural rock surface that’s slippery.)
- 9th level Swashbuckler. 12 ranks of Jump, 12 (+1) Strength, +2 synergy from Tumble. His modifier is 12+1+2=+15. Taking 10 gets him a 25. The female world record for the long jump is (7.52 meters)*(3.28 feet/meter) = 24.7 feet. This character beats that every time he wants to. The men’s record is 8.95*3.28= 29.3 feet, which his character could swing pretty easily if he so desired. When the character rolls instead of taking 10, he can hit as much as 35 feet, blowing past the world record by two yards.
- 9th level Beguiler. 12 ranks in Disguise, 14 (+2) Charisma, with a disguise kit (+2). Total modifier is +16, taking 10 gets him a 26. He can disguise himself as a woman’s human husband (+10 for intimate familiarity) as long as she has a Spot modifier of 6 or less.
- 9th level Monk. 12 ranks in sense motive, 16 (+3) Wisdom. Final modifier is 12+3=+15. Taking 10, he can instantly tell whether a person is under the effects of Charm Person or not, every time. (DC 25) And that isn’t “I’ve a sneaking suspicion that something is wrong here” so much as it’s “Hi, my name is Benedict Thelonious. Also, you’re charmed.”
- 9th level Bard again. 12 “ranks” in Speak Language nets him 12 languages, because Bards are awesome like that. There are only 20 of the things listed in the PHB, one of them is Druidic, and he starts with a few because of race and intelligence. He learns this from hanging out in bars, and in addition to everything else he can do. I don’t think there are many people in the world that can boast that kind of repertoire, and finding one in his mid-20s that’s also a competent in battle, magic (which we can approximate to some degree with science or technology), and whatever this guy is burning his other 5+Int skill points on is fairly definitely impossible.
- 9th level Ranger goes tracking. 12 ranks in Survival, 14 (+2) Wisdom, +4 from Search and Know: Nature synergy, and +2 from some manner of tracking kit. Modifier is 12+2+4+2= +20, which means he takes 10 to get a 30. To match this, the DC is going to look like this: 4+5+1+20. That comes from tracking a single Toad (+4 DC for being Diminutive) that is covering his tracks (+5) after an hour of rainfall (+1) over bare rock (20).
Hat tip to Zilvar for pointing it out, and of course the original source by Merlin the Tuna
Again… I will reassert my old-foggie-ness and state that I’ll sick with the crappy 1st edition stuff. Level 9 was just the gateway out of the “Dear gods, It’s a displacer beast! We’re screwed!” levels. MU’s just got dangerous and thieves could finally survive a botched trap picking. That, and druids at long last became relevant to game play.
Turkish Prawn
Well, that’s certainly something they’ve addressed in 4e; Wizards start out about as useful to the party as anybody else, and stay about that useful throughout the level progression. If I end up settling into the new system (that’s still up in the air), weakling 1st level Magic Users will be a subject of nostalgia for me.
Back in my 1st edition AD&D days, the campaign would always peter out a little after 10th level. I seem to recall there was something in the book about getting keeps and thieves guilds and such around that time, and we took such recommendations a lot more seriously than my current playgroup probably would. Around 9th level we’d get our keeps and wizard towers and such, and then go on a couple of adventures to get stuff to put up on the walls and stuff (Ooh, I need a dragon’s head stuffed and mounted in the entryway to my castle!)
The thing I like about wizards is there’s not a billion spells to deal with… and they make it really easy to transcribe the spells to index cards.
I wish the monster manual had monsters by level and alphabetized. There’s not going to be many games where I’m going to throw lvl 33 undead demon lords at people.
To add a few points…
I just saw the musical “Wicked”, and one thing that occurred to me was that I didn’t see a single mistake. Sure, there were some, and the performers on stage are all good enough to know what they could have done better, but even their worst flubs on stage were imperceptible to me. So yeah, it makes sense even in the real world that talent and training can make someone extraordinarily good at something.
Also, on the subject of “epic” bards… What about Homer? The Odyssey and The Iliad would *definitely* garner the attention of at least some gods within a Greek^H^H^H^H^HD&D-style pantheon. Sounds like the rules are right in line with awesomeness.
Something tells me Homer didn’t take a ten when he wrote the Iliad.